Thanks Left Ear Jr.

The internet is being a bit spotty.  Did you know most countries (I don't know if it's most countries really.  At the very least it is Australia and probably most South American Countries and African Countries, and Communistic countries...) have a cap on monthly internet download.  American's have a cap on internet download speed. 

A random website clocks the US internet download speed at around five Megabytes per second.  Said website's rating of South Korea's average? Twenty and a half Megabytes.  And us nerds wonder why the South Koreans are so good at Starcraft.

I was going to tell you how many gigabytes of information you could download in a month with no cap, but it looks like, after some aimless browsing that American Internet providers are or have adopted a cap.  It's just oodles bigger than what your average internet user requires.

All that being said, I'm typing this blog in Microsoft word, and it is unsettling.  I will have to copy and paste it over to the blog.  Could there be anything more pathetic for me to whine to the empty void that is the imaginary people who read this blog?  Yes.  Yes, I could complain about the couch I am reclining on.  Stupid couch.  Your pillows are saggy and  you smell slightly of small dog.

Have you figured it out?  I have little to discuss.  I watched football, graded papers and went for a walk.  Then I ate too much food and watched the Italian Job.  A fine film.  Too predictable, as Hardcastle McCormick complained of while watching "How To Train Your Dragon."  Shut up Hardcastle.  You don't tear down animated movies except for that Nascar one, Little Nemo in Slumberland and The Land Before Time 2-19. 

"So... what was your favorite part of the Italian Job?" asks the faceless void of data I type to.  Well, let me tell you.  The characters name was "Left Ear" in tribute to Mike Tyson, his step-father I believe.  Left Ear encounters some dogs from a distance and reports to his comrades, "I don't do dogs.  I had a bad experience."  His fellow countrymen ask, "What?  Why?  What happened?"  Left Ear replied, "I had a bad experience..."

Like any good movie going American I chuckled and thought, "Oh I'm looking forward to that coming back later in the movie." 

It didn't.

Every other scene or idea tied into another part of the movie. It was the Niagara falls of foreshadowing.

The old man who is (spoiler) killed just happens to crack safes the old fashioned way, while his daughter uses technology.  How does she crack the final, unexpected safe?  Just like dad would have.  With jazz fingers.

What happened to Napster boy?  Someone stole his idea. 

What happened to the whole gang?  Someone stole their ideas.

Dead guy's daughter never looks in the vault after she cracks it?  She does when she robs for revenge!  Sweeter than wine, revenge is.

Girl drives a Mini-Cooper like one of those soulless vehicles from that horrible animated Nascar movie, Mini-Coopers become the thrice used getaway car. (See what I did there... with Nascar?)

No imagination for (SPOILER) antagonist Steve?  Even with 35 Million in the bank, no imagination.  Even with (SPOILER) Ukrainians pointing a (SPOILER) gun in his (SPOILER) face... no imagination.

The entire introduction was simply a precursor setting up the second robbery to mirror the initial robbery of the gold.  Yes, that is sort of the whole point of the movie, but I can only handle so many introductions of ridiculously unimportant and obviously planted bits of information which will come back later as direly important before I just want to throw up.  It's like watching with the director commentary on full volume, "SEE WHAT I DID THERE!?  THAT'S A "CONNECTION!" 

I actually threw up yesterday during "Moonraker" when Bond fought off an assassin with a glass handled sword and destroyed a priceless work of art in the process.  Both items which had been introduced merely so the viewer would cringe while the fight took place.

So two things, I realize movies do this, and in a sense have to do this.  Especially when constricted within the framework of "action movie" or "spy action movie" but just let the audience figure something out on their own.  Or not at all.

I say all of that so that my thanking this movie character makes sense.  Thank you Left Ear Jr. for telling us you had a bad experience with dogs and for then never bringing it up again.  We learned so much more about your character through your silence than if you had told us any story, amazing or lame, about your bad experience with some villainous dog.

I realize this isn't supposed to be a film critique blog.  The movie was better than Nicki Minaj but that doesn't change things between you and me and the blog.  And don't listen to me anyway!  I haven't even graduated college yet. 

How about this.  The other day, I was on the train going into Melbourne.  Across the aisle was a pretty non-French girl.  She had a very realistic tattoo of a vampire girl with blood on her face.  The vampire's face that is.  Next to me a woman was listening to a song called "Unthought Known." I wrote it down, but I don't think I'll ever take the time to look it up.  I now have three very thin pocket journals.  I labeled one "Poetry" the other "Life" and the last one "Dreams." 

Cheers,
Melmoth

P.S.

That Nascar one is, you guessed it, worse than Nicki Minaj.  Also, one of my desires in life is to attend a concert of some sort where the band refuses to play an encore.  They seem so commonplace now.  They don't seem to mean anything anymore.  I'd also love to attend a football game, where the two teams play another game.