THIS BLOG IS STILL ABOUT NICKI!

Two days of blogging in a row. I guess you're lucky... punk.  You're punks, all of you.  And if any old man with a mustache crawling into his mouth ever yells from his porch at you, "You darned punk!  Grow up ya hippie!"

Immediately stop.  Walk up to that man (staying out of spitting range), look him hard in the eye and say, "I am a punk, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life farting around."  And walk away, backwards until you are out of sight.

Now, onto the first things.  I have been neglecting the nature of this blog.  So, here is a catch up list of things Better or Worse than good 'ole Nicki (who is unfortunately as admired here as she is in America:

Things Better than Nicki Minaj

• Kookaburra.  I have been given several eye witness/first hand experience stories from different people about arrogant Kookaburra who steal food right out of the hands of people about to eat it.  One person received a cut on their lips from a Kookaburra going after some chicken.  Hitchcock was apparently a prophet.
• Melbourne Weather.  It is exactly the same as Michigan weather.  For those faithful readers from Estonia (7 views), Nicaragua (5 Views) and Canada (1 View) this means that the weather is very inconsistent.  This past Tuesday it rained, was then sunny, rained again, came back to sunny as if a malevolent Venasaur had used "Sunny Day" in preparation to unleash a barrage of solar beams on a hapless magikarp.  After the sun stayed around for about five turns, it began to hail ice the size of British front teeth for twenty minutes. I hate Nicki Minaj.
• Flippin' Pancakes.  (This is the restaurant I attended last night.  Tomorrow I plan on blogging again.  If you want to read my three consecutive blogs as symbolic of Christ's crucifixion and resurrection, you may.  But only because I mention that is also Better than Nicki Minaj and I am referring to it in the Better than section.
• Coin Change.  The Australian currency system has a plasticy sort of paper money.  This is fine.  However, their smallest dollar note is numerically "five," graced with the face of an old governess "Glenn R. Steven" as far as I can make out her signature.  I believe she won her election in 1955 by promising to funnel funds towards "Boomerang Development and Lock Picking" and away from education.  I make these assumptions based on my daily observations in the classroom.  I digress.  When I make a purchase with any sort of monetary note, I expect to receive monetary notes and some small change in return.  Take the example of expecting change of four dollars and seventy-five cents.  I expect four, one dollar notes and three quarters.  I receive two, two dollar coins, a fifty cent piece a twenty cent piece and a five cent piece (which is not referred to as a nickel.)  As the change is placed into my hand, there is a moment of confusion, rage and absolute greed where I begin to form a slur of hateful belittling words towards the individual who has shortchanged me.  This lasts for a moment and is then replaced by the realisation that here in Australia, the change is different.  And they spell "realisation" with an "s."
• Pretty much everything else.

Things Worse than Nicki Minaj:

• Australian cop cars.  The only giveaway is the amount of antennae on the vehicle.  It can be any make, usually a newer model SUV type.  Local Law Enforcement will also set up speed traps. Unmarked cars on the side of the road may have radar guns with cameras inside.  This cars are also apparently able to operate the Federal mail, because if you drive too fast by these cars they send you a ticket.
• Australian plumbing.  NONE of the toilets I have encountered flush the opposite direction.  They all flush as per described in an earlier post.  Check the label at the bottom.
• Crossing the street.  If I die in Australia, I will have been hit by a car while crossing the road, looking the wrong way.

So that's a good little list to catch you all up on how I have been feeling.  Sorry about that post yesterday.  Very boring I know but, even a squirrel with 20/20 vision with fall out of tree every now and then.

Tomorrow, I will fill you in on three great stories.  The woman with the birdcage necklace, the book store and church.  Oh a pot of trouble is brewing.  

Also, my host sister now has a boyfriend. 

Cheers,

Melmoth